My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
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