so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
Randomize
