Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
Randomize
