Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
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