apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
pop tarts are not kleenex
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
Randomize
