I think im going to throw up on grandma
Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
Randomize
