yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
