there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
Randomize
