Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
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