This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
Randomize
