do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
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