k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
Josh has a goal of being naked in every RAs room this year. He's already 3/11.
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
I'm experimenting with sincerity
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
Randomize
