Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize
