I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
Randomize
