I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
Randomize
