Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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