His pubic hair was longer than his dick
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
Randomize
