i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
Randomize