Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
Randomize
