he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
vagina is talking i cant
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
My liver just had a heart attack.
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
You've changed since you got that strap on
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
Randomize
