Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
Randomize
