I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
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