dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
Randomize
