oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
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