oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
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