I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
Randomize
