I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
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