I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
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