is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
I just blew my weed a kiss
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
Just puked most of my soul out..
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