I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
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