grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
Randomize
