I want to have your abortion
I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
Randomize
