my phone needs a breathalizer
Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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