Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
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