i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
Randomize
