i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
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