I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
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