Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
Randomize
