I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
Randomize
