tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
Randomize
