I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
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