My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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