Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
Randomize
