i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
Randomize
