I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
he's gonorrhea incarnate
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
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