Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
So he says he needs "alone time" a day that he doesnt have to deal with anyone. should i be concerned?
I think in guy language thats " Im fucking someone else and dont want u catching me"
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
Randomize
