btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
Randomize
