called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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