shes about as inviting as chlamydia
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
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