I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
A bitchslap is in order.
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
Randomize
