hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
Hippo gnu deer
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
Randomize
