We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
Your face is a jimmy john
Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
Liz is crying about burritos again.
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
Randomize
