OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Randomize
