I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
