I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
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