Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
Randomize
