Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
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