STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
Randomize
