I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
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