Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
Randomize
