Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
