Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Randomize
