Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
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