Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
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