The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
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