I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
Randomize