And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
i came on her dog
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
