Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
Randomize
