They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
Randomize
