I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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