Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
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