remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
