I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
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