the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
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