There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl
you're not innocent... Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can't label yourself innocent.
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
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