Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
Randomize
