She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
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