he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
Randomize
