So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
Is it penis luge time yet?
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
Randomize
