Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize