for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
My feet surprised me
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
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