Culvers...So Good
So good. The butter burgers slip right outta my ass.
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
Randomize