I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
Randomize
