Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
Randomize
