I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
Randomize
