you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
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