ADVERTISEMENT

• (540): View more from Virginia

  I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.

  Fav 22 1686 3633

  share tweet
  

• (803): View more from South Carolina

  Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.

  Fav 25 8813 1401

  share tweet
  
ADVERTISEMENT

• (919): View more from North Carolina

  sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.

  Fav 13 6527 1731

  share tweet
  

• (716): View more from New York

  Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?

  Fav 7 3865 1254

  share tweet
  

• (954): View more from Florida

  Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.

  Fav 3 1337 2395

  share tweet
  

• (+44): View more from United Kingdom

  Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!

  Fav 4 1647 972

  share tweet
  
ADVERTISEMENT

• (415): View more from California

  I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.

  Fav 6 1652 1055

  share tweet
  

• (+35): View more from

  I just look at my butt and see so much potential.

  Fav 1 620 348

  share tweet
  

• (310): View more from California

  Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?

  Fav 0 57 8

  share tweet
  

• (630): View more from Illinois

  Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?

  Fav 0 35 14

  share tweet
  

• (484): View more from Pennsylvania

  Did you at least know who's jizz it was?

  (610): View more from Pennsylvania

  That is questionable.

  Fav 0 11 54

  share tweet
  
ADVERTISEMENT

• (603): View more from New Hampshire

  there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.

  Fav 0 55 7

  share tweet
  

• (610): View more from Pennsylvania

  Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night

  (610): View more from Pennsylvania

  That was super inconsiderate of me

  Fav 0 14 50

  share tweet
  

• (317): View more from Indiana

  We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.

  Fav 0 60 3

  share tweet
  
ADVERTISEMENT

• (562): View more from California

  In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka

  Fav 0 56 10

  share tweet
  

Randomize