toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
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