forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
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