i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
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