Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
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